Here I am on another round of trying to meet ‘the one’ online.
Oh! A Christian online dating site, how exciting I think and swiftly create a profile. The joke is on me it seems. As I comb through profile after profile I see no one in my suggestions repping Christ. I am not judging but you would think that something in the river of text in these profiles, would give their stance on their faith.
Here comes a nice chap. He is eloquent and frank about his interests. I admire that. I cut to the chase and ask about his faith. No, he isn’t actively pursuing Christ but he wants a Christian girl. As a result of this I naturally had to ask him why. It was clear that he wants all the benefits of the ‘good’ church girl. He has no plans to get to know the one who sanctifies her, it seems. That was that. He is handsome but I want a man actively pursuing Christ to live this life with.
Am I picky? For some folks I might be. But aren’t we picky about everything else though: education, clothes, food, housing etc.
Carrying the Peace of Singleness into Marriage
This is my goal. I know it is attainable and I am waiting purposefully and excitedly to see this come to fruition. I am 39, soon to be 40, in August.
I used to be anxious and fearful of being single forever. It’s not because I want a passel of kids interestingly. For a long time it was a box to tick off and move on with life. I ticked the box with two degrees and a good job so it is the next logical step. Alas, God is writing my story so I remind myself to live life fully as is.
I have dabbled in dating online on and off over the last few years. I go to Christian sites because a committed Christian man is who I will form a covenant with. With this in view, I am always shocked at the number of non-Christian men who hang out on these sites. They are loads of pretty words to pepper their conversations. It is so easy to fall prey to these in those moments of doubt and even desperation. I stay in prayer while engaging with different guys on online dating sites.
I am being vigilant about ensuring that the peace I have now in ‘singlehood’ is the same in marriage. It’s tempting to settle. Then I remember this.
I also remind myself that they God I serve is able to do so much more than I can imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)
Christian Singles be wise when dating online
Test the fruit of the individuals you are talking to. Look into the words they use and what they omit. Pray without ceasing because I feel like this is a foothold that can just cause our peaceful lives to become a mess. Look beyond the outer appearance, ask God for discernment. Keep reminding yourself that you are a whole person, you are not incomplete because you are single. We are enough and living worthwhile lives even as we desire to be married.
In addition, tamp down those pheromones and don’t jump to chat or even meet offline. Give it some time and see if he or she continues to be consistent. Also, find someone who is close to you offline who you can share with. This person can help to keep you accountable. Let us guard our emotions closely and don’t allow them to lead us wildly after every smooth talker.
Christian Online Dating Sites are not Safe Havens
This is something we all need to remember when we sign up for these sites with these tag lines. They are populated with men who are actively pursuing Christ and genuinely interested in marriage. They are also populated with deceivers who are looking for hookups and only a good time. They are also populated with conmen and women looking to fleece us of our hard earned cash. Proceed with a healthy dose of skepticism, open-mindedness and patience.
There are days when no one looks at your profile. Then there comes the flood. I try not to let it consume my time. I am on for around 30 minutes each day then I get on with my life. For me, it’s an avenue to put myself out there since I live in a country with few Christians.
I am expectant, wary and hopeful all at once. Let’s proceed with caution and take care of ourselves as we put ourselves out there.