Category Archives: Random chats

The Grass isn’t Greener, Everywhere has its Quirks

How many of us choose to focus on an opportunity that seems oh so attractive, so that it clouds our view of the good things we have going right where we are now.

The grass isn’t always greener on the other side though. This cliche is sometimes true.

When we focus on something negative for too long, it could just be one negative thing, it grows and grows and causes a whole world of discontentment. It can be quite overwhelming to the point where we run off to supposed greener pastures and then discover that we left something good.

Spend some time reflecting and noting the positives against the negatives of a situation before making a decision to change path. This is applicable to a whole range of situations. It should also not be done hastily or when we are feeling low.

I am learning that everywhere has its quirks and sometimes it is worth pushing through some stormy seasons. I am learning to persevere and enjoy the positives as I learn, work on myself and grow amidst the negatives. A permanent decision ought not to be taken to address a temporary situation. Everything in life will not be fine all the time. Trials and struggles really do make us strong if we look at them as learning opportunities.

Now, if we are in a situation, whatever it is and know it is toxic and ruining our minds, then it’s good to walk away. Nothing is worth us compromising our mental health. This is far from simple but the effort to do so is worth it.

I have been blessed to be able to walk away from a toxic work environment before. I remember feeling uneasy about it even though it was the right thing to do. I am happy I took the plunge at the time and it was well worth it. I was able to do this with some confidence because I had saved up some money, to allow me to take what I thought, was a job with a lower salary. In time even that was sorted.

Moving from one job to another, for example, includes dedicated research and networking in some cases. It is always good to keep an eye on what is going on in different sectors of interest and also polishing our CVs from time to time. It’s nice to be content in a job but it is also good to be aware of what is happening in the industry. This means than, we can more accurately weigh an opportunity, to see if it is greener than where we are at. Regardless of this, it is good to remember everywhere has its quirks. When the novelty wears off there will always be something that may cause us some discomfort. I think its best to learn from this, grow and keep going. It often happens that not focusing on this lessens its impact. Choose to focus on the positives and remind yourself of them often.

The grass is sometimes greener indeed but how devastating is it when we jump without proper preparation. We may find that the new grass is filled with even more weeds than where we ran from. Everywhere has it quirks, expect these and resolve to be content despite them but know when to move on to other opportunities.

Why ME?

Why me?

This is the first thought for many of us have when things start going awry.

How often do we say this when things are going suburb?

Why do we have this mindset that things should go well always? It’s actually a dangerous state of being that can cause life’s hits to knock us harder than they are meant to.

How about intentionally stopping and thinking about how you will grow through hardships. Look for how hardships stretch you and press through them knowing they pass. They are a part of the ebb and flow of life. Yes, it’s easier said than done. However, the way we respond to the ‘why me’ situations can break us or make us stronger.

It’s worth changing the narrative to the more positive, “how can I grow through this?”

Many hardships do make us strong in many ways. They also help us to lean on others and reveal who our true supporters are. It’s is empowering to look back on something that snared you, that you overcame and became better for it.

I will overcome, I will get through this and be better for it…

These are more mentally uplifting in the tough times. Speak these positive things over your situation and fight your way through.

Stereotyping Others says more about you than them

We as human beings have a habit of seeing each other as a monolith. A solid representation, a meaning we impose based on what we think we know from certain stereotypes of a person or group.

Someone is a geek, a nerd, nice, mean, bitter, angry, snobbish, flighty and the list goes on.

We do this automatically most times and rob ourselves of valuable encounters that will help us to grow and learn more.

How often do we pause and think about our own reaction to others after stereotyping them?

Why do we Stereotype others?

Perhaps we feel threatened by something we see in them, so we use this to make ourselves feel better?

Is because we think we know so much about all groups of people, based on our exposure through the media, relatives, friends and the like?

Does stereotyping others help us to brace ourselves for an encounter?

What exactly is the benefit of administering negative or positive stereotypes on others?

The irony is that it’s often the negative and nasty things in us that causes us to stereotype others negatively. It is never from a good place.

How do you react to Being negatively Stereotyped?

It is a weird world that we live in. Certain stereotypes of me as a black woman crop up as I travel to many countries in Asia. Blackness isn’t desired unless you have a certain fetish. Everyone wants to be white and this is evident in the whitening in almost all skincare products in shops. It’s a common past time to refer to me using animalistic terms of which gorilla seems to be a favourite. I have visited Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand, Taiwan, China, The Philippines, Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, South Korea and I live in Japan. I can count on three fingers the countries where I was simply viewed as a person.

I am stereotyped as African (we all know the negative stereotypes sadly, for a diverse number of people from 54 nations), a soon to be murderer, pickpocket, concubine and others.

I am an English teacher and among others (see above) in Japan. Some people will stereotype me based on this coupled with their love or hatred for the language.

In parts of Europe I was a trollop. Someone to subject to cruel hand movements beckoning me for my services.

In other places, I am stereotyped as rich because I am a traveller.

The stereotypes never seem to end.

Stereotyping is what we do

No one likes to be on the receiving end of negative stereotyping but it’s what us humans do. We are conditioned by the forces around us and our very natures to do this. Does this mean it’s ok? Of course not.

The problem isn’t stereotyping. It is allowing these stereotypes to cause us to be mean to others or to give others undue favours.

It would be nice if everyone would get the chance to prove himself or herself before the stereotypes morph into absolute knowing.

Ultimately, we can only navigate our lives amongst these stereotypes and use opportunities we get to to help others become more knowledgeable.

Anybody Else watch too much YouTube?

I don’t have a TV. YouTube is my TV. I watch quite a bit of videos for around 2-3 hours most days.

Yes, I know that’s a lot of time. But I am single with no kids, I pay my own bills so I can do whatever I want. (joking but serious)

I like coming home, preparing dinner then planting myself on my couch, before my computer and bingeing on YouTube videos. It is incredibly relaxing. Time sure flies and all the cares from work disappear.

These days I can’t get enough of House Hunters and of course the comments that accompany the videos. Comments share much about us as humans, I tell ya. I have a few family vloggers I keep up with and it’s nice to immerse myself in the snippets of their lives, that they share. Interestingly, I never comment on these videos. I am always befuddled at people who take time to write lines and lines of negative comments on videos. I just don’t understand.

I find myself celebrating those who are enjoying the perks of being content creators on YouTube. People quit jobs, become influencers, whole families get flown out on promotion trips and the like. I find myself wondering why X YouTuber can grow their numbers at the speed of light while others not so much. Why do people who make solid content and have good quality videos not have mad numbers of subscribers? I also wonder if those who are enjoying fame and wealth from YouTube manage their money well and prepare for the possibility that YouTube may not be there in time to come? I watch videos but I also see YouTube communities as something of a social experiment.

I can spend hours listening to music, usually gospel on YouTube. It is crazy how I can start listening to a song and 2 hours later be immersed in a song I had not listened to in years.

I YouTube everything. I do this even before going to Google LOL! I like getting multiple perspectives and more often than not YouTube comes through for me.

That being said, I am off to comb YouTube to watch something that will be just right in this moment.