Tag Archives: life

It is ok to be lonely and tackle it intentionally

Listen, as a single person living alone, it is easy for loneliness to creep up out of nowhere and take over. Being alone is not synonymous with loneliness and even those who live with a bunch of other folks can be lonely.

Even the most introverted person may suffer bouts of loneliness, since the options to go out and get our people fix are far different than they were in the past. It is ok to feel lonely, we are human beings and need human interaction to varying degrees, for our personality type. My major love language is quality time. I don’t wait for those near and dear to mete it out, I actively facilitate this. It is simple, if you reach out and engage others they will often reciprocate, especially those who are for you.

Accept that you are lonely

For some reason, it has become this belief that something is wrong with you if you say you are lonely. Being lonely is just a feeling which means you need to relate with other humans in some form. This makes us better people in my opinion. It is s a sure fire way to keep us in tune with others and not shut ourselves completely off from everyone forever. As we know not everyone in our lives can fill our lonely moments. These are usually sated by being with those we have close bonds with; people who we can just chill and be at peace with.

There ought to be people in our lives who we can reach out to and just say, “Can we chat for a bit, I am feeling lonely right now and I want some company.” If there is no one like that in our lives, we need to address this because we need these kinds of connections.

Getting our people fix in the midst of the 2020 pandemic

Picnics have become trendy again and are great for hanging out with dear ones and social distancing. These are great since they are outside and everyone can bring their own food and sanitary items. People also play different games or just sit, listen to music and chat in the great outdoors. We can appreciate our relationships more, now that we have to put more effort into being more responsible while hanging out with others.

I have always been into epic chats and/or calls on Skype, WhatsApp, Line and so on way before this pandemic. I live far away from family and many bonafide friends, so this is a must. Make plans and carve out time to spend catching up with people and really getting in touch. It does the heart, mind and soul well at all times.

Another great thing to do is just to hang out with friends one on one in open places just to chat and chill. It could be at a common train station or bus stop that’s convenient for both of you. The important thing is to see others and spend some time with each other. Things have changed but we can still touch base with others and be there literally and figuratively.

Know what triggers your loneliness and stay away from them

I mean sometimes you may not be able to guard against this but do what you can. Many of us single people, who desire to be in a relationship may find ourselves being lonely after seeing couples cosied up on different social media platforms. Before you know it, loneliness has crept up and you experience melancholy.

Also know that the feeling usually passes, even though, when in the thick of it, it feels all consuming. When this happens, it is good to do things that take your mind off the loneliness: exercising, cooking, blogging, painting,doing your budget and whatever works for you. Look for the way out and don’t just give into loneliness and despair.

Don’t feed the feeling of loneliness

When bouts of loneliness come, it is not time to play all those sad and sappy songs that just intensify the emotions.

Encourage yourself with words from the Bible, tap into your joy and speak it over yourself. Put on some lively music and dance like David danced. If nothing else you would have gotten a good workout.

Also don’t go jumping back into negative relationships – whether romantic or platonic- because of loneliness. Go to those who have your back and who you will be happy you got closer to in these times of loneliness. Since, when the heights of loneliness take over we can lose the rationale part of ourselves, let’s know who we will lean on before it strikes. Cultivate relationships with people that allow you to not hesitate to reach out and have them be there for you.

Again, it is ok to feel lonely and to share this with your loved ones, so they can help. We do life most effectively when we partner with others to give and receive, emotionally, mentally and otherwise.

Are you keeping your hopes and dreams alive?

Hold fast to your dreams

For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly.

Hold fast to your dreams

For when dreams go

Life is a barren field

Frozen with snow. (Dreams by Langston Hughes)

Are you still dreaming, making plans and keeping hope alive as this pandemic carries on?

It all feels surreal but I am still dreaming about things I want to accomplish internally and externally. In Jamaica is often said that where there is life there is hope.

As for me, I am still budgeting and making plans for different savings goals and such. I am thinking about the travelling I want to do in the future and I am also thinking about a number of other short term and long term goals. Most importantly, I keep reminding myself to keep hope alive and continue to dream new dreams.

That’s it, I was just inspired to remind someone to keep dreaming and keep hope alive in the midst of this pandemic. Stay on budget and save for your goals…

Don’t Get Caught up in Social Media and Lose Yourself

How many times do you watch a Youtuber share an item and find yourself searching somewhere online for it? I have even gone into a store looking for said item.

I have gone down many a rabbit hole and wasted money because someone or a number of people spoke glowingly about a product. To be fair I have also had good recommendations.

They key is to know what is useful and to ignore the rest. This isn’t easy because many of us humans are visual people. Yep, this can affect us without us really even being aware of it.

I mean we may become uncomfortable with our bodies, our wardrobes, our jobs and so on and so forth. I think this is a major issue for young teens, who are trying to find their identity. It also affects us adults because we all want to present our best selves out in the world.

We must remember to guard ourselves and not lose who we are amidst the trends and influencers on the different social media platform. Unhappiness with who we are and what we look like among other things, can creep up on us and overwhelm us.

This is also true for those of us who create content through blogs, videos, photos etc. It is easy to get caught up in doing what other successful creators in our niche do, just to chase success. Remember why you started and keep reminding yourself.

Would I like to make money from blogging? Of course!

Is this the only reason I blog? Of course not!

Will I learn from others to showcase my pieces better? Probably

Success for me with this blog means posting regularly and editing posts. It’s true, that’s enough for now and probably for a very long time. This is freedom for me because I have a job that offers me a salary that covers my needs, wants and whims. Moreover, I love said job and serving my students.

When I look at my blog stats and see only a few people read my blog and fewer comment, I sometimes catch myself getting anxious for more. I then mentally smack myself into remembering my goal (see above).

Social media is great. The different platforms offer so much to both creators and viewers. I like that we have so much to choose from and that so much knowledge is being shared.

We would do well to remember to carefully monitor and manage what we take in and reflect on how it affects us negatively. It’s important not to lose ourselves through what we consume and over consume on social media platforms. Remember most people only show a perfect snapshot of themselves to craft that narrative for viewers. Proceed cautiously.

How to Keep Moving When Life Smacks you Hard

  • Cry out to God in the good times and bad times. God promises never to leave us or forsake us. If you have a habit of leaning on God then you will know of his faithfulness and have the assurance that you will get through.
  • Don’t ask ‘why me?’ Seek to see what you can learn about yourself and try to see tough situations as opportunities for growth, to become more resilient and to learn to persevere. “The race is not for the swift but for those who can endure.” I remind myself of this often.
  • Share your burdens with a friend or two. These are people in your life who are present, know how to pray with you, speak life into you and also know when to tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and give practical advice to get you moving ahead.
  • Seek professional help. See a pastor who is a trained counsellor,a psychologist or other health professional. Invest in your mental well being.
  • Think of practical things you can do to dig yourself out of the hole. If it is a financial smack down then you may have to cut back on some luxuries and/or get a second job.
  • Grieve, let the emotions out because suppressing them may not help. Cry, scream, put on some music, dance, go for a jog, clean like mad, do what works for you to get the negative energy out.
  • Change course. If something isn’t working and you keep trying then try another way or another thing.
  • Motivate yourself. Give yourself some pep talks and push and push.

Whatever it takes keep moving, keep trying, never give up on yourself and don’t compare your journey with others. Try to stay focused. What’s yours is yours, keep working for it.

Guard your Self Esteem as you date Online

You are putting yourself out there. It takes guts to know that people view your profile and move on. You do it too, we all do it. It’s not personal, keep reminding yourself of this. It is part and parcel of online dating.

Remember we all have our preferences

Nothing is wrong with us. We are not for everyone and it is best if those without a genuine interest keep scrolling or swiping etc. Do the same and know this is fine since you have no malicious intentions.

Waiting is a part of the process of online dating

Online dating isn’t a magic world where the one suddenly connects with you as soon as you sign up. It doesn’t work like this. Some people make a connection soon and others wait and wait. Go into online dating knowing that it may take some time to connect with who you desire. You may also still meet the person in real life and not online, we never know. Take the pressure off and take it day by day. It’s not that something is wrong with you. It is a part of the process.

Block and report people as needed

Don’t allow people you meet on online dating sites to speak to you out of turn. We don’t allow this in our daily lives, why put up with this online? Block and report the person if needed. Do it the first time and don’t feel bad. The people online are the same as those in society, so there are people of every ilk. Know this and proceed with caution.

Know what you want and proceed accordingly

Ask the right questions to get at what you want. I don’t feel you should have to lower your expectations to meet those who reach out to you. Please don’t feel bad or less than because who catches your eye may overlook you. Keep it moving and stay hopeful.

Take breaks to live in the real world and connect with those in your life

It is easy to make online dating sites into a mini world. You wake up in the morning and log on then come home and do the same. If you do this day after day without making any good connections it can affect your self esteem. Remember to keep up with people in your life. These are your people who are there for you. Let them love on you and you love on them. See online dating as a small part of your life, where you put yourself in a space to meet who you are seeking. It shouldn’t be all consuming. Go out, be with family and friends, live life while dating online.