Tag Archives: self-care

Have the Conversation and Don't Bottle up Stuff

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Sometimes keeping the peace means having a difficult conversation to get some things off your mind. It takes courage but the weight that falls off after the conversation is a thing of wonder and beauty. This is self-care because bottling up things inside cause stress levels to rise. Most of us are wary of approaching someone who has offended us in some way to have that conversation. However, if you are anything like me your attitude towards that person will reflect your feelings. These feelings can weigh on you if it is someone you truly care about or see regularly.

How to Prepare for and Approach the Conversation

Pray. Ask God to give you the right words and attitude to effectively convey your points. If you go into the conversation angry and hostile the outcome will not be good. It’s important to show respect for the other person who has wronged you. After all, ‘two wrongs don’t make a right.’ Treat others with the grace you expect to be treated with. I know this is the last thing we want to do but doing what we want to do, in the heat of the moment is counterproductive.

Write down the things you want to address. Approach this formally since it helps to ground you. Also know that you will need to be bold and make eye contact with the person. It is also important to meet privately if it is a friend or relative. For coworkers, for example, get a third person in the room. This is important for accountability. Ideally the person should be in a position of authority and neutral to best serve both of you.

If you can, get to the room before the meeting starts and do some deep breathing exercises and pray to keep a calm composure. Remind yourself about how you would want to be treated if the shoe were on the other foot.

How to Engage in the Conversation

Get to the point. Start off with the person’s name, make eye contact and state why you asked for the meeting. Ask to be allowed to say all you have to say without being interrupted and wait for confirmation on this. Then speak calmly and moderately while making eye contact. If you are someone prone to being nervous in such situations keep a pen in your hand to help with this. Twirl it or do something to help you get through.

Allow the other person to also speak uninterrupted and really listen. You may be surprised to know that in many cases they didn’t mean to offend you and may even be unaware that they offended you. THIS IS WHY THE CONVERSATION IS IMPORTANT INSTEAD OF BOTTLING UP FEELINGS. Believe me, I am talking from experience.

Being Afraid of Confronting Others Sometimes only Gives you Stress

Confrontations are never good. We often think of speaking with someone about something they do to us as confronting them. I see confrontation as approaching someone in anger to try to right a wrong. This is something that often causes more issues.

I believe it is important to approach an individual respectfully, to have a mature/grown conversation about something they have done to you. Timing is key, so we often need some time to cool off before we can do this. We encourage kids to talk it out. We know communication is important in intimate relationships to resolve disputes. Why is it then that we learn to be afraid of telling someone they have offended us? There are some things that can’t be let go of easily. A five minute conversation can do a world of good.

I did this recently and it did a world of good for my peace of mind. Interestingly, we both got to find out things about each other that we did not know. In addition, we also understand our boundaries better. This is self-care in action.

Instead of bottling up stuff, try having a conversation to clear the air. Even if the other person isn’t receptive you gain peace and that is paramount.

How are you Working on yourself to be your Best you?

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Working on yourself to be your best you doesn’t only pertain to academic pursuits. It is wonderful to get different certifications and equip oneself for different opportunities. Here I am talking about focusing on the intangibles that pay you an a deeper level.

Do you love yourself? Do you also like yourself? Being the best you requires that you answer to these questions in the affirmative. If this isn’t the case then you should do the work needed to get to the place where you state an emphatic “yes!” to these questions.

So, you are in love with who you are and you like yourself, lovely. I do too, as we all should.

Do you like how you communicate with others? Do you walk away from an encounter feeling frustrated that you couldn’t get your point across? Do you know how sometimes, it is only after having a conversation that you know what you should have said? Listen to really hear what is being said, do not rush to answer, give yourself a few seconds to frame your thoughts and deliver them appropriately. With practice this becomes easier to do. It is quite a task to control our emotions especially in heated moments. Explaining yourself clearly in different settings is something worth mastering.

Do you find it hard to say no to others? If you do, take some time to assess who you find it particularly hard to say no to. Be honest with yourself and try to get to the bottom of why this is the case. Often this stems from a fear of disappointing someone who you think will form a negative impression of you. The people in our lives who care for us will understand when we tell them no sometimes. If you only say yes to someone every time because you feel pressured, that is something you need to work on. Every time you say yes to doing something in your free time, you may be saying no to yourself. Therefore, the things you say yes to should interest you.

I know exercising and being active is of vital importance for me to be my best self. Since, I enjoy being a couch potato after being on my feet most of the day, I walk the 1.3km to and from the train station everyday instead of taking the bus. I also take the stairs in the station and forego the escalator. Every little bit helps. In the same way, I try not to eat too much crap and eat light in the evenings. Fruits, veggies, nuts, beans and water are staples. Chicken makes a cameo appearance once in a while and fish has its time to shine. I really like grilled salmon. My body feels good fuelled by these things. When I cheat and eat some other stuff my body sure protests.

Are you an empathetic person? Do you try to help others as needed? I know we can’t help everyone. It is easy for some people to give others money to help them but not their time. Everybody is busy in this fast paced world. Being your best you may mean giving more of your time to others. Meet friends and talk without distractions. Set aside 30 mins to call up someone, schedule it if needed. In certain places where people have all their material needs met, the gift of someone’s time can be precious.

How are you working on yourself to be your best you? No one is perfect. Each day is an opportunity to improve in some way. Something as simple as deciding to change your outlook on some things in your life is a step closer to being your best you

We are all works in progress and by being intentional we can become who we want to be day by day.

Develop the Habit of Spending Quality Time Alone; it’s Self-care

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“You live alone!? Don’t you feel lonely?”

Many a conversation has this interjection because the person to whom I am speaking, discovers I live by myself. It happens quite often. (Perhaps it’s a cultural thing here.)

Is living alone synonymous with being lonely?

I wonder if people realise that you can live with others and still be lonely. Loneliness and being alone aren’t two peas in a pod.

Some people like being alone and may even need this for their sanity. There are also others who thrive on being with other people and still others who fall somewhere in the middle. At some point we will be alone. Being alone is great for taking time to develop yourself. Here are some positives from spending time alone:

  • You learn to hear your own thoughts and take the time to reflect and unpack things mentally. This gives clarity and helps you to learn important things about yourself.
  • You take time to do things that help you to rest. This is, if you learn to enjoy the times when you are alone. I mean, to just lie in bed and scroll through the internet or read a book or just be. I gift myself this opportunity on the weekend. It’s self-care.
  • Write down some goals and plans.
  • Dance, sing, clean, cook, take yourself out or just do whatever you want to (responsibly of course).
  • Develop a routine to pamper yourself in your alone time. This is self-care.
  • Go on a retreat by yourself to unwind and relax.
  • You can work on creating a peaceful atmosphere in that time as you de-stress.
Taking it slow…

Indulging in self-care doesn’t mean spending a bunch of money. Something a simple as taking a bath or lying on clean sheets at the end of a long day or eating that meal that hits the spot, soothes you. It’s nice to enjoy being alone at times. If you can’t be at peace when you are with yourself how can you be with others I wonder?

Being alone can be addictive. It’s good to strike a balance.

How to Combat Information Overload, it’s Self-care

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Combating information overload is a vital part of self-care. What we feed our minds often becomes what consumes us. The internet has allowed us to have access to news and other information from all over the globe. However, there is much sensationalism in how some elements are presented to us viewers. We need to be intentional about what we consume on the internet and how often we consume certain things, even if it is the news.

Does it ever feel like everything is spiralling out of control after checking out some news websites?

Is it important to know what is happening in the news all the time?

There are some people who can keep up with the news in the world, filter it and don’t get distressed by it. There are also others who are consumed with the seemingly endless travesties featured in the news. I am not saying to ignore them. Learn how much you can handle and proceed accordingly.

Combat information overload by Limiting the Time you Spend on Certain Things

It is important to be aware of what is happening in the world. I find scrolling through certain headlines on one or two news sites help with this. I then read one or two articles and compare how they are reported on the relevant sites. I also look for encouraging stories, to remind myself, that there are also good things happening in the world. I do this for about 30 minutes to an hour and then get on with other things.

This may seem a bit callous but many times what is featured in the news are things we have no direct control over. If it causes you to get into a funk that’s not good for you. Practice self-care and limit your exposure to that.

Balance who or what you watch or follow on Social Media

I balance my viewing of channels that discuss controversial issues with others that show lighter content. When I am watching YouTube to unwind after work, I don’t want to be worked up. This means I watch episodes of house tours and some family blogs which I find relaxing.

Twitter is great for information and some threads just rope you in. I only access it on my computer which stays at home. There was a time where I was on Twitter far too much on my phone. For my self-care, I limited myself and it was a good decision for me. The same can be said of Instagram. Exploring Instagram is a big time suck and if one isn’t careful you come away feeling less than the gem you are.

Listen to Some Music, Chill and Make Something to Nourish your Body

Put the mobile phone away, turn off the notifications and put some good music on when you get home. Make a nutritious meal or what you feel like eating and take your time savouring what you have made. If you live alone, like I do, enjoy the peace of being in your own space alone and relax. This is self-care. Unplug for the whole evening or a few hours before bed. Go for a walk and balance the day.

Here I am talking about information overload and sharing information, how ironic. There is nothing wrong with being informed and knowledgeable about a range of subjects and topics. Ensure that you are taking in what you want to learn and not what others are force feeding you, using different persuasive techniques. Be an informed participant.

If you find yourself feeling disillusioned with everything in the world, check what you are taking into your mind. We often forget to feed our minds with balanced and healthy fare like we should our bodies.

This is my little reminder, like I tell my students, balance what you watch, eat and do, to the best of your ability. It is all a part of self-care. Take care of yourselves.

Meal Prepping Weekly as an act of Self-care

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Who looks forward to coming home after a long day of work, to stand over pots cooking dinner? Certainly not me.

Since, I am all about spending responsibly and living debt free, I do not eat out on a whim most times. To take care of the basic need I have to full my belly after a long day of work, I meal prep. It is so satisfying coming home, knowing that there is a complete meal in the fridge. I actually, want to eat what is there 9 times out of 10 and don’t get tempted to buy something on the go. This is good for my savings and health in the long run.

Meal prepping is an act of self-care in my book. I can warm my meal quickly, eat and unwind for longer. I am able to eliminate cooking a meal after work which may be time consuming and just plain tiring. As a teacher, I am on my feet a lot, so I don’t want to be on my feet cooking dinner after work too.

Meal prepping takes some reflection though. I try to have two options and vary them from week to week, so I don’t get tired of eating the same thing. For example, this week I am having oxtail and vegetables as one option and lentil stew with quinoa as another option.

I do my prep on the weekend and portion out the servings in individual containers. I also give myself one evening to buy something on the go. There are many great options for meals here in Japan, around the train station where I live. I can get sushi, fish and rice, Chinese and a bunch of other options. I budget for this because I believe in having freedom in my budget.

As an act of self-care, I meal prep on the weekend when I am off from work. This is because I have more time to chop, marinate, steam, stew, boil and do whatever is required to make what I feel like having. A key step in this process is deciding what I will make and getting the necessary ingredients. I live alone so this isn’t very demanding. I dedicate 2-3 hours meal prepping so that I can have my evenings off.

I am able to sit and browse YouTube for longer, read a book, blog or do whatever else I want to do, that relaxes me. It’s now a apart of my routine, since I have been doing this for years. There is no going back for me. My evenings are far less rushed thanks to meal prepping on the weekend.

Being Grateful is a big part of Self-care

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How often do we stop and count our blessings? Do we stop and say thank you to God for another day? Being grateful is a part of self-care.

Expressing gratitude for all things great and small in our lives help us to be content and mentally well. Discontent comes many times when we focus for too long, on what we don’t have. The things we yearn for but can’t see how to get them. Also looking too long at the lives of others and wanting what they have blinds you to your blessings. This is a joy stealer.

I often talk to myself at these times and remember the things I have that I am grateful for: relatively good health, family, friends, a job, joy, a place to sleep, life and so on. It is easy to get lost in the illusion of perfection we see in others especially on social media.

This world and its wants, make us feel as if we never have enough or that if we do not have certain things by a certain age we are less than. I am making myself learn to take my eyes off the world and fix them on what God’s words say about me. I focus on life-giving words to remind myself that I am not a puppet, to be tossed about by every flight of fancy that the world throws my way. I practice being grateful for the small things and big things as well as everything in between. I also actively pursue peace and contentment in my life. This is self-care in action.

I am grateful for something as simple as taking a shower and stretching out on my bed every night. After a tiring day, that is just wonderful!

A good way to practice gratitude is to jot down a few things each day that you are thankful for. This has a way of shifting the focus from what we lack to being content with what we do have.

Cultivate a grateful day, one day at a time and help your mind to be at ease.